


Sanctuary

by wiselavi



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Mental Illness, Multi, Polyamory, Schizospectrum Disorders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-08 15:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14697219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wiselavi/pseuds/wiselavi
Summary: Road just wants to protect the people she loves.





	Sanctuary

**Author's Note:**

> i had psychosis headcanons for them a while back because i love projecting my mental illness and turned it into a ship because i think they'd work well together
> 
> this probably isn't heavy enough on shipping stuff, but in my defense, romance is hard. i'm used to only writing pain. i hope it's alright anyways
> 
> title was going to be "asylum" as a double meaning thing, but i don't want any non-psychotics getting the wrong idea and thinking i approve of their fetishization of us, so i chose sanctuary for having a similar double meaning of being both a holy place & a generic safe haven

"Hey, Road?" Wisely asks.

"Mhm?"

"Is that guy real?" Road looks at Wisely, and then at where he's pointing, and sees nothing but the wall.

"Nope," she says, and he nods. He asks questions like this a lot, if something he's seeing or hearing is really there, or if it's all fake. She thinks it's their Noah memories that causes it, these visions and sounds and sensations, though it seems it only happens to those deeply attached to their memories. She's never seen Tyki or the other younger Noah get them. Wisely may be the newest recruit, but his memory stretches further back than hers.

The Earl gets these experiences, of course, as does Road herself. She doesn't really mind her own, but she does worry about how much those two mind theirs. Her own are only little things, shadows sneaking around, ghosts only just touching her skin, recollections whispering in her ear, blood on her tongue and on her hands and suddenly everywhere.

None of those things are real and she knows this intimately, because she knows exactly how to make other people see that same unreality in her dreams, but it doesn't stop her from sometimes being so overwhelmed with trying to stay in the real world with the others while her own world is crashing down around her. She tries to stay as upbeat for the other Noah as she can, but it kills her.

Road still feels that it's worse for Wisely and the Earl, though. Wisely sees and hears things that aren't there, people and voices long dead. There have been times where she's caught him in trances, eyes frozen ahead, sharing heated or jovial or tragic conversations with people who aren't there. What comes across as laziness to the others is something she recognizes as him being so burnt out by all of this that he can't often function the way the others can. She's known Wisely for a long time, and while at first, decades ago, she thought that maybe these figments were just an additional aspect of his power, she knows better now.

The Earl is even worse, but she understands. He's been alive so long and seen so much tragedy. He believes in things she knows to be wrong even when contradicted, the things he sees and hears can leave him crying on the floor or dancing through the halls, his mood swings quickly and dramatically and while he does so much work for the Noah and leads them so well, he's more often at his worst than he is at his best. He's incredible, but this always reminds her that the Noah exist to protect him, including from himself.

So, even with all of her own issues, Road always prioritizes how they're feeling. But then, isn't that what family is for? 

She spends the times when Wisely gets distracted by calling his attention back to her and doing her best to keep his focus, since if he thinks about it all too much he starts to lose himself in whether or not it's real. Her attempts range from bringing him food and playing board games with him to cuddling up to him and dragging him into bed. It surprised them at first to learn so, but sex grounds them a lot, since they're just able to have fun and make each other happy and ignore anything else.

Something to keep his attention (and maybe someone to help him with keeping track of basic needs, like eating) was all Wisely really needed. So long as someone could drag him back to the reality they all shared, he did well enough. The Earl, on the other hand, was a bit more difficult.

His illusions were often accompanied with intense moods. Sometimes he'd act depressed for weeks, and then wake up one day like he's sunshine personified. She doesn't mind it either way, but both can be hard to deal with, since either one makes what he experiences worse. He already hears all sorts of things and sees stuff she knows isn't there, and he panics so easily at it all. The voices he hears are so often cruel to him and he believes them with little struggle. It's difficult to convince him that some of the things he notices aren't actually there, and while she tries where she can, the emotional issues don't help much.

The Earl's high energy can be fun at first, but it usually leads to him burning himself out and neglecting himself, or getting angry and taking it out on the others. This energy is best for advancing their goal as the Noah Family, so she doesn't intervene too much, but she does everything she can to make sure he doesn't hurt himself, physically or emotionally. When his mood drops, she's always there to comfort him, and often she just spends plenty of time with him and tries to brighten up his day as much as possible. It always startles her how lonely he feels, so she's always there if he needs someone to cry with and pour his heart out to.

Of course, she's not often alone when taking care of one of them. The Earl knows exactly how to take care of Wisely and always accomodates for his low energy, and Wisely is always there when the Earl gets to be too much for either of them to help on their own. They all know exactly how to care for each other. There's a bond between them that she doesn't have with the other Noah, and while she loves all of her fellow Noah, she loves them in a different, beautiful way, and they love her the same.

So, while Road can certainly handle a lot, there are times where she finds herself crying and sprinting around the Ark, running from invisible people who won't stop hurting her and hating her and she's screaming at them to stop, or she's trying to block out the voices of her siblings who have died year after year after year and are begging for her to save them. Road smells death and rot in the air, tastes poison and feels maggots under her skin, sees visions that she can't convince herself aren't real, and trying to hide in her dreamworld only makes everything worse.

On those nights, The Earl and Wisely are the ones who help her. They each take her hands and hug her and kiss her and promise to protect her. She still spirals, but they take their time to calm her down, swearing up and down that she's safe and doing what little things they can to bring her back.

Road curls up in Wisely's lap and he simply talks, rambling on about this and that, even making her laugh where he can, just so long as she has something to listen to that isn't so cruel. The Earl sets a soft, heavy blanket around the two of them as a bit of protection from every unnatural presence and bustles off to make the three of them some hot chocolate. Still the scent of death lingers, but the cocoa cuts through it and when she asks if it's been poisoned, he promises it her it wasn't because he made it, and that works. Road trusts him, knows the Earl would never poison her, so she drinks it happily.

After finishing her drink Road crawls into the Earl's lap and gives him a big kiss. She talks to them for hours about lighthearted things, and they even joke around and play simple games once she feels up to it. By daybreak, she's exhausted but far more relaxed, and they all head to bed together, Road and Wisely nuzzling into the Earl's bed with him like they always do. A sweet-smelling candle is lit in the corner and everything is warm and soft and, for the first time that night, she feels safe.

They all say sincere "I love you"'s to each other, a rare departure from Road's own distant, teasing nature, and the other two fall asleep easily. Road smiles once she hears them breathing evenly, and switches to snuggling in between the Earl and Wisely, curling up against the Earl's belly and still somehow finding a good position in which to hold Wisely's hand.

"Well," Road whispers, right before she lets herself sink into sleep, "I guess I can let them protect me, too."

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! hope you enjoyed
> 
> for anyone curious, specific mental illness hcs of mine are:  
> the earl - schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type  
> road - schizoaffective disorder, depressive type  
> wisely - schizophrenia
> 
> notes, for any non-psychotic person who may have read this fic: psychotic/schizophrenic people are most often nonviolent (unlike the characters portrayed in this fic) and we are not your stereotypes. if you've ever written a psychotic character or used any ableist slurs (e.g. cr*zy, ps*cho, ins*ne, etc.), i hope all of the noah come to your house and yell at you, or, at least, you educate yourself a little. we're people. not aesthetics. not horror movies. not charity cases. we're just people.  
> if you haven't done any of those things though, then thank you, and i hope you keep supporting us, because we really need it.


End file.
